The Eanes Family: Our Road to the Olympics

I feel it is safe to assume we all have those "is there a hidden camera following me around just to catch my reaction so it can later be used against me" moments. You know, just when you think the situation cannot get any more bizarre your mother-in-law asks you what color your underwear is, or maybe just when you think you can't take it anymore a stranger in the grocery store checkout line throws up on your person...

...clearly hidden camera moments.

If I decide to stay truly honest and only surface level deep I would say that motherhood (again aside from all that heartfelt and mushy stuff) has far and away given me more opportunities to experience the "no really this cannot be happening in real life- what show am I on?" moments.

And so, that brings us to baby gymnastics.

When Mia was around 16 months old we began exploring the idea of her participating in some sort of "extra- curricular" activity. Now, if we stick with the proper definition of extra-curricular, this means we were looking for activities that fell outside the realm of Mia's "normal" curriculum.

So, basically something other than our daily... well you know...teething, chewing on her pacifier, pushing her push toys around, and throwing everything off her high chair when she was finished eating.

We settled on baby gymnastics; were saddened to discover to that for some reason the W-S is the only city in the entire US not to have a Little Gym, and then re-motivated when we learned a "real live" gym offered classes for parents and tots starting at age 1.

Here we come Olympics 2024!

Our first class was comical to say the least and along the way there have been plenty of post worthy moments... but today, nearly 10 months into our gymnastics "lessons" was something for the record book.

Regardless of who the "teacher" is, all the parent/tot classes start the same; circle time. My humble opinion is that circle time exists only to torture the parents and humiliate them in front of one another by way of putting unfair expectations on their toddlers for an absurd amount of time.

Take for instance our very first circle time ever.

The "students" or should we say "1-3 year olds" were asked to sit in a circle close enough to the foam pit, slide, trampoline, and scarfs that they could touch them... but then told..."oh wait, you can't touch them yet". Instead you must listen while I explain 10 minutes of directions followed by 10 minutes of warm-up exercises beginning with you completing a downward dog position and then walking on your hands through your parent's legs.

Right, when I signed up did I mention that my child still has no recognition of her own name, much less this downward dog position you speak of?

But I regress, back to today.

We walk in for circle time and I immediately notice the massive mound of hula hoops in the middle of circle time. Since our teacher does not instruct us to get one but instead shares her usual greeting of "everyone find a shape to sit on", I say a silent prayer that Mia has somehow missed hoop heaven in the center of the circle. And soon it becomes clear... not only has Mia seen hoop bliss, but so have her other 15 nearest and dearest 2024 Olympic hopefuls. I would say there was a general feeling of I want a hoop and I want it now, as 15 mom's grasp tightly to the limbs of their children who are pulling toward hoop heaven.

We get our hoops, a song comes on and we are instructed to hold them over our heads like they are the sun shining on us- a kid on the other side of the circle who I would peg at around 15 months starts a spin that could rival the Tasmanian Devil. Not only does he take out his neighbor but the kid next to his neighbor too, and soon he's down and crying as well.

When we put our hoops down to pretend they are trampolines, William seems to get the wrong message and takes off at record speed into the foam pit.

Two siblings caddy-corner to us begin fighting over which hoop color they want, more tears and hoop to head contact occurs.

Our fearless leader keeps on directing. Pretend your hoop is a steering wheel; pretend it's a basketball; pretend it's a jump rope; with no less than four kids crying or running from the circle at all times. Let's not forget the one who was drug out of the middle by his feet clawing at the extra hoops.

Since we were sitting right next to the teacher it seems my "under the breath" comment about hoops bringing out the crazy in kids was not as "under my breath" as I had hoped, and she responded something to the effect of..."you're telling me."

The true pinnacle of circle time came at the end when everyone was asked to once again sit down and wait for their name (and all 15 other kids names as well) to be called so they could say their ta-da. "Miles" Miss Monica says rather quickly, we look over and Miles has just been pulled out of the foam pit by his mother, he is hanging upside down screaming and kicking. "Moving on, June" she says, poor June clearly feels super uncomfortable in her surroundings and becomes instantly frozen in place. "Walter, Mia, so-on-and-so-forth just get this over with" she continues with her list.

And then as we all squat down to ta-da together one last time, a mass of crumpled toddler comes rolling across the floor screaming and kicking and lands right on top of Miss Monica's feet. I stare, Mia stares, the person next to me giggles and Miss Monica says, "Hey Robby. And now everybody 1, 2, 3.... ta-da"! Robby's kicking body is quickly hoisted up and escorted away by his mother using the proper full body "toddler hold".

The remainder of the class follows suit. Two kids have a head on collision while running on the spring floor. The one way, one at a time only tumble track becomes littered with dozens of toddlers and one gets stepped on when she decides the middle of the trampoline would be a good place for a nap. Mia demands to "hang" on every bar we see but says "no" and runs off anytime Miss Monica tries to help her rotate over the bars. At one point I look over and the tunnel which was originally set up to crawl through was bent in half and lying in a mess on the floor.

I begin to wonder if our Olympic dreams are dwindling right before my eyes. Surely at age 2 Gabby and Aly were completing stunning floor routines without having to be chased down by their exasperated parents?

Regardless, if we ever make it to 2024 or not, after today's experience I am certain there is a place for all of us on reality tv.

And since I don't have any pics from today to share, here is a medley from our "Gold Medal Day" back in June. We were given a "routine" to perform about 10 minutes before it started and a "circuit" to complete which included a cart wheel. We skipped the cart wheel but rocked the part where they told us to wave to the crowd like nobody's business.

There, there everyone no need to stand. Really, please sit your devotion is noted.

Mom, I could really do this circuit alone.. it's so embarrassing that you're helping me on Gold Medal Day.

Funny, in class no one has ever asked me to flip over the bar but it somehow ended up in our "routine" for preview day.

I believe they wanted us to ta-da at this point, but I had never tasted a gold medal so that was first on my to-do list.

Farewell my fans! I love you all!

Many months later when GG came to visit in September. Notice my mom is practicing the one hand shirt hold to ensure I do not run off with the pom-poms on cheerleader theme day.

The tumble track- every toddler's dream- until we learn you have to keep moving and can only go one at a time. Check out my fellow jumper being restrained behind me.